The Difference Between Following Your Heart and Being Led by Your Emotions

Follow Your Heart Danger

We hear it all the time, from wise people who have been there and done it – street-smart people: “Follow Your Heart”.. or Bliss, or Star, or Intuition.. And it’s true of course. Except when..

Except when you are feeling strong emotions. Following your heart does not mean letting what you are feeling dictate what you decide to do.

Those same wise ‘been there and done it’ people, also nearly all speak about the truth that “Your thinking; your mind – is the cause of everything you experience.”

What doesn’t seem to be spoken much about, is the connection between the mind, the heart, emotions and that decision to act.

Here’s what is clear, when you gather all the different sources and simplify what is being said:

  1. Your actions – are primarily driven by your feelings.
  2. Your feelings, are mostly caused by your hidden sub-conscious thinking.
  3. If your sub-conscious thinking is clear – your feelings will be more balanced and an accurate reflection of what is really going on.
  4. If your subconscious thinking is not clear – your feelings will be more intense and the result of distorted perceptions and beliefs about what is going on, and about yourself.

“What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind.” ~ The Dhammapada

So you can see, if you make decisions based on strong emotions – whether positive or negative, there is a high likelihood that you will make a poor judgement/decision, and therefore likely take poor actions, hence creating poor results.

And conversely, if you make decisions (about what to do) based not on emotions, but on the quiet intuitive whispering voice within – in a relaxed state, there is a high likelihood that you will make a good decision, take good action, hence create a good result.

You must understand what is happening to you before you can feel it.

What this means, is that you will make sense of what is happening one way or the other – either accurately, or inaccurately – before you can give meaning to it, and feel something about it.

If you’re having feelings, perhaps an emotional reaction, or a strong attraction – then you have already run it through your sense-making-machinery and decided for sure what it means to you – although probably at the speed of light and unconsciously..

Science, and the wisdom of people who have tested this for years in real life scenarios – can show us quite easily now, that feelings come after thinking. And because feelings and emotions drive our behaviour, we need some way of assessing whether our initial thinking (albeit sub-conscious and hidden) is clear or not. In truth, it varies with each situation, however, we can measure it fairly accurately now – with the Attributes Index.

The Attributes Index will show you when to trust your thinking (and when to listen to the ‘feelings’) and also when to question your thinking (and those powerful emotions which are triggered).

Intense emotional feelings – are always the result of distorted thinking. That can be challenging to hear, but it’s backed up by years of evidence and experience from those who work in these fields.

So the lesson – is watch out for strong emotions – if the feelings are intense and create a ‘drive’ to act – be careful of following them – that is not your heart speaking, it is your sub-conscious mind with it’s distorted beliefs and perceptions.

Instead, find your ‘heart wisdom’ in the space of serenity, relaxation and centredness – and listen carefully – it whispers, usually not in words but flashes of insight.. those genius aha moments.

And if you’re curious as to where you can trust your thinking and where you should probably question it, find out more about the genius profile, the attributes index by contacting me.

~ To your quiet and true path,

Paul signature

How to Tap into Your Creativity

How to tap into your creativityYou are a creator. You are a creative being. It is your nature. You are constantly creating. Whether you realise it or not. Constantly.

Your imagination is where it begins. Your real-world experience of the thing you created is where it ‘ends’.

You know already, that if you imagine the worst, you feel fear and anxiety in your body, and you tend to act in a way that brings those feared consequences to life..

And if you think about it, the same applies to imagining the best; you feel confidence and freedom in your body, and you tend to act in a way that brings those eagerly anticipated results to life..

Your thinking create your feelings. Your feelings drive your actions. Your actions create results in the real-world. You experience those results.

Creativity is always on. You are always creating. Are you using that amazing gift in a positive or a negative way?

A positive way, is where you create value in the world (you create value for others and therefore experience ‘being’ of value yourself). To experience the feeling of ‘being of value’ – especially to those closest to us, is something worthy to aspire to.

A negative way, is where you avoid the potential dangers of creating value of the world by staying safe (you create safety and certainty for yourself, but other people miss out on your gift). The potential dangers include rejection, failure, humiliation – all subtle ways which cause us to identify ourselves as not good enough, not loved and not valued. When we are rejected and not valued by those closest to us, it can be particularly devastating to our self-image.

Brief sidetrack: Why do most (yes, most) people use their imagination in a negative way – i.e. to create fear, anxiety, avoid danger, failure etc? It’s because we are wired to put survival first. That part of our brain which keeps us alive, out of danger, safe – is the oldest part of our brain, and a part we share with all animals. Our imagination happens in the newest part of our brain, and it’s what separates us from all other species. Our old survival part is where many of our habitual thinking patterns exist – instincts, reflexes – all designed to keep us alive, avoid danger.. fight or flight..

This survival brain can’t tell the difference between a real-world threat and an imagined threat – such as rejection and humiliation – it only serves to protect us from pain and danger.

Allowing your imagination to be used by this old part of your brain, is what happens when you imagine ‘what might go wrong’. That’s not really the best and most creative use for your imagination.. Your survival brain will keep you safe, don’t worry about it. in fact, it has the ability to overrule your imagination and conscious choice – it will take control if it senses danger, and you won’t be able to do much about that, even if you wanted to. Trust it, let go of needing to keep yourself safe so much. Don’t worry – it will do it’s job whether you want it to or not :-) ..

Instead, focus on using your imagination in ways that create value in the world, by expressing your greatest gifts, your talents and strengths, in ways which create value for others. This is what your imagination is really for.

So we have two ways of creating:

  • One that creates real value in the world – creativity, innovation, invention – all measurable improvements.
  • One that creates safety for you in your imagined dangerous future – protection of self through isolation, disconnection and withdrawl.

The first way (value based) – will cause you to feel good about yourself and others.

The second way (self safety based) – will cause you to feel bad about yourself and others.

How can you tell which ‘type of creating’ you are doing? It’s easy – feel into your body. if you are emotionally charged, tense – in fact anything else except centred and relaxed, you are probably not creating positively – you are meeting a self-preserving need. And worth noting, in this tense or agitated state, you do not have access to your pure positive creativity – your survival brain has commandeered your thinking brain, and is using it to stay safe.

If you are relaxed and centered, your survival brain is busy with other things, it senses no threat. So you can use your imagination freely, to imagine possibilities, create your own freedom based future, taking care of your higher conscious needs for contribution and growth.

You will see how important it is to know two things:

  1. What state are you in? Relaxed or tense?
  2. How to move from tense to relaxed.

When you know both of those things, you can choose your emotional state at will. You can choose to tap into your higher creativity, and imagine the possibilities – and then act in alignment with that ‘vision’ or image you have in your mind – it will eventually show up in your real-world. If you take action and stay in that creative state.

Finally – if you are going to create value in the world – use your gifts and talents – that is your quickest and easiest way to happiness and success. Don’t do it the slow and painful way, which is by working hard to get good results. if you’re working hard to achieve results, you’re missing something important – you are not using your talents/strengths. In fact, you’re probably not fully aware of them. The average person ha only about 40% level of awareness of their true innate talents.

Q. What can you do today to be a more ‘conscious creator’?

~ here’s to your magnificent creativity, and the expression of your unique talents in a way that creates real value in the world – for others.

Why It’s Hard To Accept Your Blind Spots – and What To Do

Blind Spot

Effortless high performance only comes when we understand what we are naturally great at, and also what we suck at..

Getting real about that, involves raising our level of self-awareness. Seeing ourselves clearly – ‘warts and all’.

Most people struggle a bit with accepting their talents (that’s a whole different conversation..) – but what’s really hard, is accepting our blind-spots – our non-talents.

It’s a bit of a catch 22 – if we don’t see our talents, we don’t fully value ourselves, and so we feel uneasy about being criticised, judged – and so it’s hard to hear the truth about where we are not very good – because we don’t particularly feel good about ourselves anyway.

In contrast, when we feel good about ourselves, when we know what we’re good at, we’re usually also pretty happy to admit there are some things we’re not good at.

So unless you truly value yourself, it’s going to be somewhat painful to admit to your blind-spots, your non-talents.

How do we get around this?

Well, we first need to become more aware of what we are naturally good at. The easiest way is to measure that with the talent profile – it simply measures and shows you very accurately what you are truly good at. There others too, such as the strengthsfinder etc.

Another very effective way, is to simply ask people who know you!

Send an email out, saying something like “Hi Jane, I’m doing a bit of self-development work, looking to get clearer about what I’m naturally great at. Could you help me out with this and tell me three things you believe I am great at – and why you think I am great at them.. much appreciated, Paul.”

The ‘why’ question is important, because it will connect their idea of what you’re good at, with something more personal to you.

Once you start to see and accept what you’re good at, you’ll then be much more open to also hearing about what you’re not so good at. Accepting both of those things – what we’re great at, and what we suck at – is a profoundly powerful step for anyone to take on their path to effortless high performance and happiness.

Action step: List three things right now that you believe you are naturally great at? Why are you great at those?

If you’d like to accurately measure your talents and non-talents and find out for sure, shoot me a quick message through my contact form, and I’ll tell you how you can easily do that.

~ here’s to having the courage to live an authentic life.

Paul

Paul signature

How To Tell If You’re Using Your Talents Or Not

In his groundbreaking book, Jay Niblick talks about the ‘Long X’.

The Long X is a term that describes the level of results you get when you are inauthentic as opposed to authentic. By authentic, I mean are you mostly using and relying on your talents.

When you are inauthentic, and not using or relying on your talents – you will feel that – it feels like the effort that you put in exceeds the results you get back. It feels hard, and just wrong.

When you become authentic and rely on your talents, you start to feel like you get back more in results than the effort you felt you had to put in. It feels easy, and right.

Authenticity is the Geniuses’ secret to consistently high 5th level performance.

Innermetrix Attributes Index

What does it actually look like when you are being inauthentic – when you are not using your talents? Compare this to what it looks like when you are being authentic, when you are using your talents:

Inauthentic Authentic
Quantity Quality
Dissatisfied Satisfied
Impassionate Passionate
Stressed Comfortable
Frustrated Peaceful
Struggling Effortless
Forced Easy
Depleted Energized
Unnatural Natural
False True
Performance Level 1–3
(feels depressing, unrewarding, frustrating)
Performance Level 4–5
(feels great, significant, rewarding)

Where do you spend most of your time? In the inauthentic column, or the authentic column?

There is a simple, proven process for moving over to the authentic, talent/strengths based way of working and spending your time.

If you follow the simple steps, the changes you make will not only impact your work, they will show up in all areas of your life; your health, your relationships, the amount of fun and ease and happiness you experience.

If you’d like to know more, shoot me a quick message on the contact form. I’ll send you through some free information to get you started on your journey towards an authentic and strengths driven way of ‘being’.

~ to your authentic happiness, and genius level performance.

Paul signature

Twice the Results for Half the Effort

Innermetrix Attributes Index

In talking to a new client today, who has not come across the ‘Genius’ model of coaching, and the approach I use, I needed to introduce it in a very simple and easy to understand way. This was a challenge!

One of my mastermind buddies, has always held that we need to be able to simplify and demystify what we offer – so that it is easily and immediately accessible to those not familiar with it. Here’s what came out:

Ok, so you’re interested in coaching? Typically, what that actually means, is that you want to change your results. Hopefully improve them! Ultimately, we want to experience better results. That ‘better’ is how we define ‘success’ in our own terms.

So let’s look at where our results actually come from. What creates our results? Well, in simple terms, our results are the ‘result’ of our actions – of what we ‘do’. What we ‘do’ creates our results. That’s obvious to most people.

Here’s an interesting question though – if our actions are the ’cause’ and our results are the ‘effect’.. what might be the cause of our actions themselves – why do we do what we do?

Again, in simple terms, our thinking and subsequent decision making is the cause of our actions. Because we are deciding what we think is the best thing to do, to create the result we want.

In reality this is what happens:

We have a result in mind – the outcome we want to experience. We look at the situation we are faced with, taking in the information we are seeing. We use that information to make a decision on what to do. We then do the thing we decided we should do – the thing we believe will create the outcome we want.

All very straightforward yes?

So why do we not get always the results we wanted. Why does the outcome not always match what we were expecting?

Here’s the key. At the stage where we are assessing the information we see, and deciding what to do – we typically never consider whether that information is correct and accurate – whether it is trustworthy or not!

The simple fact is, that:

  1. Thinking comes in different varieties – there are multiple types of thinking, just as there are multiple intelligences.
  2. We all have different levels of ability in these different ways of thinking.
  3. When we have a high ability, we think well, we see the information clearly, and we make good decisions about what to do.
  4. When we have a lower ability, we don’t think so effectively, we don’t see the information clearly, and we make poor decisions about what to do.

Good thinking leads to good decisions which lead to good results.

Poor thinking leads to poor decisions which lead to poor results.

Here’s another fact; most people are simply not aware that they have these thinking ‘blind spots’ – they are not aware of the fact that in certain situations (which require a certain type of thinking to succeed), they are not equipped with the right thinking ‘talents’ – and therefore they cannot see the information they need to be able to make good decisions – and so they make poor decisions, without even knowing it.

Becoming aware of when you can trust your thinking (and decision making), and when you cannot – is the essential factor which will completely change how you go about deciding what to ‘do’ in a situation.

This new awareness, will change your results – permanently, and powerfully.

In fact, when you become truly aware of your thinking abilities – and align your actions to them, you become much more effective, and require much less effort to achieve better results.

Truly, you can achieve a higher level of results, with much less effort.

Do you want to know where you can trust your thinking, and where you should question it? Check out the Innermetrix Attributes Index – this is exactly what it measures and shows you..

Here’s to better results..

Paul.

Entrepreneurs – Going Beyond Independence

Marshall Goldsmith – one of the most success executive coaches, has a wonderful quote – and wrote a book with the same title:

“What got you here – won’t get you there..”

The ‘what’ has always intrigued me – what exactly is the ‘what’ Marshall refers to? It can refer to many aspects of our approach of course.. however, we know that the closer we move to the source, or the origins of our behaviours and thinking, the more powerful and sustainable the change..

After many years of workshops, experiencing first-hand the powerful effects of moving out of independence and into interdependence – this to me is perhaps one of the most effective applications of that quote..

As we move through life, we move through the natural phases. We begin in a state of dependence – needing others to take care of our needs. As we grow, leave home, start work – independence is essential. We learn to stand on our own two feet, pioneer, build, become strong. Independence is a critical phase. This independent mindset is prevalent in the west, and celebrated. There’s a flag and a day named after it. And it is essential. Without independence, we would have no pioneers and innovators, no trail-blazers, no hero’s – and no start-up entrepreneurs.

The risk, is that many of the qualities that come with entrepreneurship – are exactly the same qualities that will eventually hold us back, from breaking through into higher levels of success – only reachable through interdependence – true partnership.

Interdependence is the next natural evolutionary stage – and takes a whole new mindset. As entrepreneurs, and role models – the transition is something we need to understand, and then embrace.

You will only be able to go so far with independence – it’s an essential stage for sure. However, to break through to higher levels of success, we need to move beyond independence, and into interdependence.

When we’re independent – we say ‘I can look after myself’. We can also take care of others, we find it easy to give, and easy to create. BUT – we also resist asking for help, receiving help. It feels weak to ask for help, and receive it. We can tend to see people who are very different from us, as a source of conflict, perhaps a threat, and a challenge.

When we move into interdependence, we are open to receiving. Only then does the power of partnership become available to us. Masterminds, joint ventures, co-creative opportunities appear. In the place of interdependence, we feel good asking for help – not because we are weak, but because we realise the limitations of our independent efforts.

We start to truly value diversity. And then we see people who are different from us, as partners who have complimentary skills and talents. Instead of being seen as a threat, they are seen as an essential part of our success team, something that completes us, rather than competes with us..

In interdependence, we look after each other, and work together.

This transition is no small thing. The reality is, that the transition is rooted deeply in working through issues of separation, healing relationships, forgiving and letting go. Independence may well look like a behavioural change – when in truth, it involves changing the way we think, and opening our hearts to the joy’s and success of partnership, in addition to the pains and challenges of partnership. As anyone who has been married will tell you..  ;-)

This is a call for independent entrepreneurs, who have achieved high levels of success – to move courageously into the next phase, and to higher levels of success.

Become that role-model. Step up and out of independence, and embrace interdependence. Will you feel pain in your heart – yes. Will it scare you – yes. Will you experience fear and uncertainty (more than you did when building your business) – yes. Will it take you to levels of success and happiness you have never experienced before – absolutely yes.

Independence got you here.

Interdependence will get you there.

You have my support and encouragement. Open your heart. Trust. Be vulnerable. Don’t look back.

with love,

Paul

3 Simple Questions to Kick Start Your Online Activity

Internet Marketing for Coaches

Ultimately, we are looking to create something within our own lives, through our work as a coach. Connecting what we do to the actual creation of this ultimate outcome, is key. Cause and effect.

Getting started is often the difficult part. There are three great questions we can use – to get started with ‘online marketing’.

What, Why, and How.

Building your business, achieving the lifestyle you want – is ultimately dependent on one simple point:

It requires another person to take a specific action.

Let’s give a name to this person – let’s make it personal. I’ll call my person Bob – you choose your own name.

Question 1: What action do you want Bob to actually take?

Again – what specifically do you want Bob to do?

There might be a big list of actions – but which action is the most critical – for you to build your own coaching practice, and live the life you want to live?

Warning: with this question – it’s tempting to think about the ‘how’ – don’t – not yet. Focus on defining with precision, the exact action you want Bob to take. You might not even like it, or agree with it. It might make you feel uncomfortable, bringing up some resistance.

This is ok – we simply need to acknowledge ‘what’ we want Bob to do. We’ll focus on the ‘how’ later.

Use the worksheet if you can – make a list of all the specific actions that will contribute to the creation of your ultimate outcome.

I’m guessing, that after some thought, you’ll end up with the conclusion, that what you really want Bob to do – is to give you some money?

Note: money is simply a tool. It enables us to do two things: first – to be comfortable, and second – to extend our influence beyond our physical presence. Bob will give you money in exchange for the value you give to Bob. The more value you give, the more money Bob will give.

Ok – onto the second question.

Bob will only take action, when he is motivated to. Motivation and drive are all about feelings.

Bob will take action because of what he is feeling – in the moment. Even after reflection, and maybe some rationalisation, Bob will still only act based on what he is feeling right now.

You may have noticed that the standard ‘internet marketing sales letters’ appeal to your emotions. Over-coming your pain, frustration, confusion. Connecting with your passions, your dream and aspirations. And then offering immediate gratification through the ‘buy-now’ button.  :-)

Question 2: Why is Bob motivated to act?

Bob could be motivated by any sort of feeling: fear, desperation, exhilaration, inspiration, passion, yearning, love. You need to know what will motivate Bob to act.

What keeps Bob awake at night. What does Bob dream about and yearn for? Where is Bob’s passion?

Use the worksheet, list what will motivate Bob to act.

Note: Different types of people are motivated in different ways, by different things. Some people are more re-active and tend to be motivated more externally to move away from what they don’t want. Some people are more pro-active and tend to be motivated internally to move towards what they do want. We all have aspects of both.

Ok – once we have those two questions answered; what do we want Bob to do, and why will Bob do that, we can focus on the ‘how’.

Question 3: How do we want this action to happen?

Do we want to meet Bob personally, talk with him, understand his need, establish the coaching commitment, shake his hand (and take payment!) and welcome him into the coaching relationship?

Perhaps we want Bob to download a product, pay for it online, and learn how to use it – all without ever talking to us in real-time?

Do we want it to be a real time activity with Bob, where we are present and giving our ‘time’ to Bob, which leads to him taking the action?

Or do we want it to happen without any ‘time’ requirement from us – where Bob takes action on his own – without us being personally involved in the moment – completely on auto-pilot?

In reality – different stages of the relationship will require different approaches. So how do we make a distinction, about when the best time is to be present with Bob, and when we can help Bob on auto-pilot?

Understanding the value of your time is critical. Second to your own unique strengths and talents – ‘time’ is your most valuable resource. Limit the spending of your time to doing things that can’t be done any other way, by anyone else. High value activities.

A proven model, is to create an automated marketing funnel. Where we attract people to our website, offer them something of real value in exchange for their contact details, and then nurture the relationship.

At some point, the relationship reaches the point where they see and want to experience the value in our products/services, and they purchase. We continue to nurture, over-deliver, creating more value – still on auto pilot.

At some point, they want to meet us – and see the high value in giving time to working with us personally, where we bring our ‘real-time’ to the experience. Our time is valuable – we charge a lot more for that value.

Once you’ve answered these three questions – you have something to work towards, that will make a measurable difference and move you closer to your outcome.

If you would like a worksheet for these questions, you can download it here:

http://TheCoachHub.com/media/what-why-how-plan.pdf

Keep it simple, move quickly and efficiently, value your time and your unique gifts most highly. Take care of Bob.

To your success,

Paul

p.s. To take this further – download and go through the ‘Perfect Customer Lifecycle’ workbook and videos here (all free).